Be more money minded pls!

These 2 days i lie on my bed and the first thing that i think of is how much money i spent just y'day alone. Well thats about $200. Considering that i bought a crumpler bag and went to eat sakura. =.= I have no idea why the hell did i go on a spending spree. Well most ppl are damn happy after buying things but for me i only think about how much i spent on it and the more i tink the more sian i become. My first bag that i bought myself and with my own money so i should be more happy but i actually dun feel anything. Maybe cause i spent almost 1 month thinking whether i should buy it anot and i have ample time to reflect how much money i will use just to get this bag.

I suppose i can say i made a promise with myself, that i will not spend so much already. When sch starts i shall not spend so much unnecessary money anymore. No more buying of food just cause i wanna eat smt or eating dessert just cause i feel like it. I guess it can also serve as a way to monitor my food intake? Watever anyway.

Only in this 7 weeks of hols have i realize how much money i have spent. Thought about many things over these 3 days. For the past 2 hols i had been working and with that i am earning money faster than i am spending it so i dun realize how much i spend during the hols. Also because of my work timing i dun have time to go out also so it also serve to cut down on my spendings. But now that i am not working i can clearly see the amount of money i have used and how i spent it, whats more it will only get worst as i start to buy more things and paying for everything myself. There's always the possibility of some unforeseen crisis that will cause my to burn off a load of money? I wonder if thats how poor ppl feel like except they feel it everyday and at a larger scale.

Back in sec sch its still possible to save quite alot but in the end i still spend it all on some useless things but now in poly i can't, gotta have to change this bad habit.

In the future when i will be out there earning my own keep, will i earn enough to support all of us? With a dip is it enough to get a gd enough job? Or do i nid to get a higher deg to get the requirement for me to find a higher pay job? Do i wan to spend the money of going to uni and spending loads of money on it just to get a higher pay? Is it really worth my time? Will i be able to find a gd yet stable job with my dip and work up and eventually reach or surpass the amount i could have earned with a degree? How long will that take and what if there are obstacles lying in wait to make me stumble while climbing?

So many questions, fears, uncertainty but no solutions nor answers or even confidence that i can overcome them. No one can give me the answers anyway, its up to me to carve my own path through and perhaps with luck and a determination that i have not yet found.

Belief is a powerful thing but it is always fogged over by history and time causing strife.